i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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