I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
