This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
