I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My vagina is very pro this idea
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
