I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
