Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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