I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
