you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
