I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
