Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
