ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
