Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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