I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
