what day is it and did you see me today?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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