so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
