last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
