oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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