Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
