I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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