Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
