Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
