we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
