he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
