remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
