I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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