My room smells like vodka and shame
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
