i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
