Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
