evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
