I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
