and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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