hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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