There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
