oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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