so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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