ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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