Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
