i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
