Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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