She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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