yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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