I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
