Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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