did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize