Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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