This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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