worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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