Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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