I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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