There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
