I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
