Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
