over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
