12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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