4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
