...so i touched it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
