How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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