The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
