the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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