What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
