If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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