I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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