before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
