I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
