I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
