I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
