Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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