if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
