When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
