I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
