I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
