dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
