exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
