Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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