omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You are the jesus of drinking
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
