Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
